Because My Culture Says So!

                                                     

How many times have you heard people say, “I do it because it is my culture”? Many times, I assume. They say it all the time. You know, culture is great!! I love culture as well, because culture defines who we are. It gives us our identity. Culture connects us to our families, friends, and a history that is worth being proud of. Culture should make us proud as a people. It should make us feel human and feel wanted and needed. It should make us feel valued.

But wait, what about when culture is harmful? Should we embrace it?  Think about it?

In some communities, it is a cultural thing to discipline wives by whipping. Some women have been killed this way. In others, it is okay to perform female genital cuttings, - a process that involves  the trimming off of the clitoris, labia minora and labia majora and  sometimes sewing completely a woman's vagina leaving a tiny match stick size hole. This is done in order to protect her virginity and chastity. Some girls have died through such processes and many live with health issues that may include; pain, inflammation, swelling, urine retention, urinary tract infection, meatal obstruction and urinary strictures, keloids, dermoid cysts, introital and vaginal stenosis, neuromas, dysmenorrhea, hematocolpos, dyspareunia, infertility, obstructed labor during childbirth, hemorrhage, sepsis, infection, shock, and even death.[i]

In other cultures, it is alright to kill a baby girl after she is born just because the family is fearful of her dishonoring them when she grows up. In such societies, infanticide is alright as it is believed that girls are generally impulsive and likely to be promiscuous that the only way to prevent this is kill them at birth. In such cultures killing a woman who commits fornication, adultery or gets pregnant out of wedlock is common.  In some cultures, such a woman is buried alive or stoned to death.

In other cultures the birth of twins is an omen. Such children are to be thrown away in the forest and left for dead. Oh wait, did I mention that in other cultures it is alright to eat fellow human beings and of course wonderful to sacrifice humans? I could go on and on and on… Did I mention that rape is an acceptable cultural practice in some communities? This will be discussed in details in my next blog topic. I think the point is made!

While culture has positive benefits to the individual, it has its negative side as well. Culture can justify abusive behavior.
When culture undermines any ones welfare, especially health, it ought to be questioned. We should all do what we can to claim our human rights, and God’s creations. Our human worth is much more that what culture can offer. As rational beings, we should all claim our agency as individuals who can think for ourselves and make decisions for ourselves.  While we all love our families, communities, and our cultures, we should consider seriously what they expose us to. When they ask us to succumb to practices that harm us, we ought to stand up against them. Any culture that is proud of itself must protect the health and rights and general welfare of all its members.

Sometimes, this is not easy for some of us, though. That is why everyone needs a friend to turn to when situations like these happen. Be your sister’s and brother’s keeper. Be there for the unfortunate and for those who have no voice in society and probably don’t know how to resist abusive practices in their families, communities and societies in general. Say no to any form of abuse, Say yes to human rights.

Join us at WISO as we stand for the rights of all. We condemn any form of abuse whether cultural sanction or not. We stand for the welfare of the abused. We work to help empower them to say no to abuse. Join us and share your story. It can be inspirational to others. Support us in other ways to help change one life at a time.  Do not forget to visit our website at wiso2011.org and like us on facebook, tweeter, and share our concerns to all your friends. We can all make a change. Lives of millions depend on it. Remember, just one life at a time.

Peace!
WISO President
June 2014

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[i] Turner, Dianne. 2007. “Female Genital Cutting: Implications for Nurses” AWHONN accessed at http://nwh.awhonn.org

Why This Much Abuse? Reflecting on our Morals.

Has anyone noticed that there is too much abuse going on in our societies? I have. First, there was this scandal about sexual abuse in the military. Did you know that abuse of others has more to do with our morals than it is with religion? Yes, religion is just a scapegoat for those who cannot take responsibility of their actions.  I was listening to the TV report the other day about sexual assault in the military and could not but wonder what is wrong with our society. In spite of years (25) of Pentagon studies on this issue, the creation of task force, and congressional hearings, rape, sexual assault and sexual harassment continue to occur at alarming rates in the military. According to statistics, from the Department of defense (DOD), an estimated 19,300 sexual assault occurred in the military in 2012. Of these, 10,700 were men while 8,600 were women. Only 13.5% of the survivors reported assault, not only for the fear of the social stigma associated with rape, but mostly because survivors do not often get help they deserve.

According to the Service Women’s Action Network (SWAN), a non- partisan civil rights organization that advocates for equal opportunity for service members and veterans, this attitude towards those who are assaulted drives victims into substance abuse; a factor in their difficulty finding work after discharge. Does anyone wonder why disciplinary action is difficult to enforce in the military, of all the places? If the rights of those affected by sexual assault in the military cannot be protected, where else can we expect effective enforcement? Why hold task forces and hearings when nothing is going to be done to remedy the situation? What is the obstacle to enforcing discipline? What is preventing the pentagon from addressing this issue? We definitely want answers.  

As I was pondering this situation, there came other news on sexual assault on campus. The president was supposedly pushing colleges to survey their students about sexual assault and that he had created a task force to help protect students by curbing “violence that has long plagued women at schools across the country” (Anderson & Zezima, April, 2014). According to statistics, there are 35.5 incidents of sexual assault per 1000 female students on campus. 48.8% of college women who were victims of rape and attacks did not consider what they experienced as rape (Bureau of Justice Stats, Sexual Victimization of Collegiate Women,” 2000). On average, at least 50% of college students’ sexual assault is associated with alcohol use (Abbey et al, 1990: 1998). More than 70% of rape victims knew their attackers (Callie, 1998). In another survey of high school students, 56% of girls and 76% of boys believed that forced sex was acceptable under some circumstances (Acquaintance Rape: 1991) Conclusion, 1 in 4 college women will be the victim of sexual assault in college (Kathlene, 1990). Therefore, this is not just a problem for those in college. It is a problem for those yet to attend college. If abuse is rampant in our school system, what does it say about our educational systems? If it is just as bad as it is in the military, something is definitely wrong with both our morals and education?

This grim situation is made worse by findings of the Center for Public Integrity which reported that “students found responsible for sexual assault on campus often faced little or no punishment from the school judicial system while their victims’ lives are frequently turned upside down.” A case in point referenced is that of Indiana University – Margaret J. Case in which her assailant was suspended for a semester that he was not going to attend anyway. After reading this, I was reminded about a discussion I had with some you groups who expressed concern that they find themselves in situations where they would rather transfer schools instead of pursuing sexual assault charges.  

One can’t help but wonder is our schools are enabling sexual abuse indirectly?  Think about this for a second? Is it possible that our families are also enabling abuse? If so, we need to rethink our moral principles. When you are faced by a situation of abuse, condemn it. Speak loudly against it so you discourage the behavior.  Humans should be treated fairly as rational beings with the ability to say no. Aggressors should rethink their behavior before we lose our ability to tell wrong from right and indeed what makes us human. We should not let our societies to disintegrate into barbarian morals lest we fail to distinguish ourselves from animals.

If you enjoy reading these small news from WISO, share with your friends and ask them to visit us at www.wiso2011.org and to like us on our facebook. Any other support will help us mail news to those who need these news but can’t access the internet. Always remember, when you find yourself in an abusive situation, or know a friend in a difficult situation ask him or her to always call 1 800 -656-4673

First Female Genital Cutting prosecution in United Kingdom!!!

The first prosecution of practitioners of female genital cutting just took place in the United Kingdom. Read the story here. http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-26681364 While we should indeed rejoice this as an indicator of progress towards protecting the rights of children in this country, a lot more needs to be done to ensure that abuse of children in the name of culture stops everywhere around the world. The cries of young girls who live with the risk of this and other practices that harm them is getting louder and louder and we need to pay attention. Some of these girls face life altering complications. While it should be noted that some may end up living a normal life, our concern is for those who are likely to be condemned to a life of chronic diseases and much more.

For those who do not know, female genital cutting is sometimes known as female circumcision or female genital mutilation in the health care forum. It is a practice that is embraced in some communities across the globe, mainly some African, Middle Eastern and Asian countries.  It is performed on girls and young women as a rite of passage. It involves the pricking, piercing, stretching, burning, or excision of the clitoris and/ or the removal of part or all of the tissues around a woman’s reproductive organ. In some cases infibulation is performed; the stitching together of the vulva in order to narrow the vaginal opening.   Although as a rite of passage it is commonly performed on girls between the ages of 4 and 16, it is becoming popularly in younger unsuspecting children. As immigrants immigrate to industrialized countries, they often bring with them such practices

Because of possible health and moral concerns, female genital cutting has been rendered by the United Nation and the World health Organization as a violation of human rights of children and women who are exposed to it without informed consent. Health concerns which are both short term and long-term include hemorrhage, severe pain, urinary tract infection, injury to adjacent tissue, damage to other organs, fractures or dislocation due to restraint during the procedure, sexual dysfunction, complications in pregnancy and childbirth, psychological damage – fear, inhibition, the suppression of feeling, anxiety, flashbacks, phobia, depression and in some cases death. Most women with the severe type have problems with penetration following marriage; penetration can sometimes take six months or longer, due to the pinhole introitus left after the procedure. Moral concerns include gender concerns related to the assumptions that the female gender should be controlled. Genital cutting is a way to control women’s sexual pleasure, for the benefit of man’s pleasure. In essence, women are denied the desire to live a full sexual life.

As a result of the United Nation’s and World Health organization’s position, most countries have outlawed the practice. In spite of this, some parents hope to evade legal consequences by performing it to unsuspecting toddlers and babies.  Even industrialized countries such as the United States, Australia, Canada, England, and France, where such policies have been instituted, the practice has persisted amongst some immigrants. Although numerous cases go unreported, the frequency of female genital cutting related cases in the media indicates a serious problem. The prevalence of female genital cutting in these countries in not fully known because of the secret nature of the practice.

In the United States, for instance, it is estimated that that 228,000 have been cut or live with the risk of genital cutting, a rise in the statistic by 35% (AWHC, 2012). The pressure to succumb to the practice is very high and some parents who want to stay true to their tradition ask American doctors to cut their daughters. Female genital cutting falls in the category of abuse where it is forced on unsuspecting children. Communities that encourage it are also responsible. For instance, requiring that a girl be cut before they are eligible for marriage is unfair.

Although women should resist this practice at all costs because they are likely to end up with chronic health conditions, men have a huge responsibility towards discouraging this practice. When women’s sexual desire is controlled, men dissatisfaction is enhanced as well. When these women get sick, men are not only left with the responsibility of taking care of their health needs, their sexual needs are inhibited as well. This is a family issue, a community issue, a global issue. Let’s come together and address it. Men first responsibility if to reject circumcised women. By this message, I urge all men who see this as an injustice to help protect the rights of children and young women by sign a petition that I have created. “Say no to cut women” If we remove the demand the commodity will not sell. Read more about this practice in my book titled Female Circumcision: The Interplay of Religion, Culture and Gender in Kenya (2007). Look out for my forthcoming book on the subject in the western countries. Also, watch out for my petition on discouraging this practice.  Visit our WISO website at www.wiso2011.org and our facebook to like us at https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/WISO/144978142239603.

Thanks for reading!
Peace,
WISO President

Acceptable Norm is Harmful! Help End it

Quite often we tend to think that what is culturally acceptable is often good. But as you are about to see in this following article, certain things that are acceptable in our communities can be harmful and indeed abusive. For a long time, certain communities allowed girls at the age of 9 to get married and to engage in sexual behavior. Those were the days when school education was not valued.

While marrying a child was acceptable in those communities, definitely, science has shown that a child at 9-16 years is not ready to be a mother and exposing her to sexual behavior is likely to harm her body both psychologically and physically.

In our society today, we have education, an opportunity given to all girls and boys as a basic human right to grow and be educated in general life knowledge and to prepare for a better life. This basic right is an indicator of the fact that modern communities care about the welfare and health of our children. It is abusive to deny them this opportunity and more abusive to expose them to practices that are harmful to their bodies. Culture is no excuse to hurt our children. Let us protect our children from unnecessary pain. Let us give them opportunities to go to school so they can understand themselves and what they want before they engage in adult responsibilities.

After reading the following storyline, I urge you to make a difference in ending this behavior. Visit our web site at www.wiso2011.org to donate to help save a girl or boy from abusive behavior. Your donation is tax deductible. We will also appreciate your visiting our facebook site to like us!! See below.

http://www.cnn.com/2014/02/04/health/malawi-girls-initiation/index.html?hpt=hp_t5

'Same Love' Marriages at the Grammy!!

If you live in North Carolina, you probably know that this past week we had a rare event in the region - snow, real snow. Funny that some of us were snowed in for days because this rare event was not prepared for by the state. Coupled with low temperatures, the snow turned into ice, making it difficult for drivers in the region. Yet, as always, there are those who are always daring to embrace every situation that presents itself.  My son went out to enjoy the snow with friends and came back startled after seeing a friend’s truck do a 360 turn on the road. Yes it was bad, but it is now over.

While wondering about what to do over this period, I watched again the Grammy awards and could not help but be captivated once again by the marriages that were performed during the event. It was humbling to imagine that we need an award event like this to actually experience love, and care. The event brought tears in the eyes of many including mine. To see love being extended to those that have been discriminated against in our societies for way too long; it was a human moment that defied words for me. Thanks to the great work of artists Macklemore and Ryan Lewis in their performance of “same Love” and other performers on this event like Mary Lambert, Madonna, Queen Latifah, and Jazz at Trombone Shorty and all who put this together.   That was truly a learning moment. If you haven’t watched it, I request you to do so. See their performance at http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/macklemore-madonna-perform-same-love-674168

As I have always said in my blogs and other writings, abuse comes in many forms. Discrimination against anyone is abuse. While abuse is often sanctioned through culture, it is often sad to see it justified through religion. Ethnocentrism is a fact of life. As humans we tend to think that what we are and what we have is better that what others are or have. Wise human beings, however, are those who learn to look beyond the box they have been confined in. Actually they seek to get out of this box to explore what is out there. Out there is much more to life than what we are familiar with. What wise being have discovered about life is that this perfect life also has an imperfect life, what we have believe to be right, normal, good is just but one half of reality. Working to accept this reality is to work at being better beings. We should all strive to be better beings by learning to accept imperfections in our own lives and in our friends, and neighbor’s lives.

It is for this reason that no one should be denied love or any other basic need just because of their race, sexual orientation, age, religion or any other reason. To do so is to demonstrate ignorance about love and how love works. True love transcends these simple social categories. Therefore to insist that God condemns gay and yet he created them the way they are is to rebuke God and his creative abilities in my opinion. To argue that heterosexual relations as the only "normal" relationships because they produce children is to display ignorance on how social categories come about and especially about God as an entity. A simple question to ask is: who defines normal? Are we comfortable using the prevalence of heterosexual lifestyles to exclude other lifestyles? Would God be alright with excluding other human beings from any activity or even for that matter? Certainly not God that is preached in many religions I know. If the answer to this question is no, then all forms of discrimination are wrong and ungodly. If god created us the way we are, God loves us the way we are. Let us not deduct from God by claiming or imposing our own selfish need and expectations upon him. It is not fair.

If we truly love God as some of us claim to, then let’s love each or our neighbor, and friends in whatever form they come to us. Let’s see the human in them first before we see the imperfections they may have. Wasn’t it Jesus, a renowned philosopher and religious leader of this world- who once said, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵  You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." Matthew, 7:3-5 (NIV). Who are you to judge, Pope Francis reminds us?

It is even sadder when parents disown their own children because they do not behave or act as they would like them to. A parent who disowns his/her child because he/she is gay does not deserve of that child in the first place. In fact such parents do not deserve of any child in their custodian. Parenthood is a responsibility to love and care for anyone in your custody who cares to call you mom and dad. To not do so is an abuse, whether psychological or physical, it is still an abuse.

My message in this blog is to ask all of us to transcend attitudes, behavior and acts that are discriminative of other people otherwise we are all participating in abusive behavior. To end abuse in our societies, we have to transform our thoughts and attitudes in order to accept anyone and everyone as human and worth of respect. This is a challenge that we need to spread around. If you know anyone who can use this advice, say or do something because, you never know. One act of care can actually set off the domino effect that will make someone's life better.

If you like what you read here and what we do, visit us and support us at www.wiso2011.org. With your support, we will bring you more news, messages and events on abuse in our communities. We will also reach out to those who need actual help. Also remember to invite us to speak to you and your community on these matters. We are more than happy to do so. We are here to make a change in attitudes, and physically where possible. Tell your friends about us, like us on face book and tweet us at wiso20111.

Watch the Grammy marriage herehttp://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/macklemore-madonna-perform-same-love-674168

Peace everyone!

President, WISO

Happy and a Prosperous Year to you!!!

To all my reader, I would like to wish you a happy and prosperous year. I appreciate that you read my thoughts. Because of you I have something to wake up to. Indeed, you make my days and I hope you make my next year. Because of you I feel driven to do something meaningful for that abused child, girl, man or woman. Because of you I feel I can share my disappointment and my blessings with someone. You are all I need.

Blessings is all I send to you just as I enjoy receiving them. Be safe, be responsible and be supportive. As always!! Remember to visit us at www.wiso2011.org to keep supporting us!

I love you all
Peace!!!!!
XoXo :)

The Fate of Child Brides

To most of us, when we hear about child marriages, it probably does not make sense. To some of us, it is not real. However, statistics indicate that this problem is more real than we imagine. 1 in 9 girls from developing countries are married before the age of 15. Some of these girls are married off at age 9. 1 in 3 girls in developed countries are married before age 18. As a result, about 14 million girls under the age of 18 are denied their rights to education worldwide.  Although statistics indicate that this problem is worse in some countries than others, this problem is worse in developing countries.

In South Asia for instance, 46% of girls are married before age 18. In Sub-Saharan Africa, 38% of the girls are married off before age 18. In Latin America and the Caribbean, 21% of girls are married off before age 18. In East Asia and the Pacific, 18% of the girls are married off before age 18. In the Middle East and North Africa, 18% of girls are married before age 18. In central Europe, 11% of girls are married before age 18 (UNICEF, 2013).      

While child brides has been an acceptable practice in many countries, modern societies have tried to protect children by insisting they get opportunities to education in order to live a better life. The United Nations' the organization to which most countries who seek to promote social justice and welfare of all stipulates in Universal Declaration of Human Rights, that there are "equal and inalienable rights of all members of the human family." The right to education, the right to shelter and the food are considered basic to each and every one. Unfortunately, child brides are denied education which is fundamental to attaining the other basic rights.

As stated by the UNICEF, most of these child brides end up in poverty, less educated and with serious health issues, for themselves and their children. According to studies, girls age 15-19 are twice as likely to die during pregnancy or child birth compared to those over age 20. Girls younger than 15 are five times more likely to lose their lives during child birth. When a woman is under 18, her child is 60% more likely to die in its first year of life than a baby born to a mother over 18 years.

In addition to this, countries with the highest child marriage rates have the lowest rates of educated women. A country that denies women education does not only deny these women a healthy and better livelihood, it also denies itself human power that would have gone into its development. It is no wonder that countries with the most child marriages happen to be the poorest.

For those of us who care, we should do something about it. While it is beyond our mission to rid the society of this cruel practice, those of us at WISO do whatever little we can to help protect children from marriages that destroy their lives. With your donations, we seek out girls, one at a time, support her education and put her to a road to a better life. We use donations to pay their tuition, bills in a sheltered environment until they are able to go out as independent and responsible citizens. Yet, even with our meager support, we are hopeful that with your support, we can make a difference in a number of girls’ lives. Visit us at www.wiso2011.org to learn what we do and to support us by a donation of your choosing. We count on your support.  Make one girls Christmas true by presenting her a gift to education.